I Can Do It With A Broken Heart — Chapter 2: Fearless

To the public eye, Misa Amane was having the time of her life. On stage with her sequined bodysuit reflecting the lights like they were stars, and the crowds chanting her name and screaming themselves hoarse. What more could Japan's favorite pop star want? Clearly, she was coping with the death of her boyfriend quite well, by drowning herself in work. Then why is L so determined to see for himself whether she is okay?

The lights were always bright but tonight they felt like knives to L’s sleep deprived eyes. He had showed up at four subsequent shows with the intention of making himself known to Misa (the frequency of whose calls had increased tenfold), however, at the last minute he had faltered, still lurking either in the dark corridor that led to her dressing room, or under the stage where she frequently made her exit when the song set changed. Every time he contemplated stepping out and facing the idol, his feet remained glued to the ground and his thumb remained in his mouth, subjected to his frequent and incessant gnawing. Tonight though, he was determined. He would seek Misa out and he would offer her the answers she desperately wanted and the closure she desperately needed. This self-destructive behavior could not go on any longer, not when he so clearly had the means to heal her aching heart. By a cruel coincidence, she chose that very moment to make a heart with her two hands as the first song on the set ended. The crowd went wild and L resisted the urge to slap a hand to his forehead. There was every chance that she would not take to his presence kindly but that was something he would just have to accept. Not like he wasn’t used to it he supposed, after months of her calling him a pervert. Running his free hand through his hair, he took a deep breath to steady himself and tried to think of good things like the slice of strawberry cheesecake he held in his hands. Swallowing a mouthful, he glanced at the stage again. Misa seemed to be having the time of her life, shimmying to a catchy electronic guitar riff before grabbing her mic in both hands and jumping headfirst into the bridge of one of her most popular songs, this one about a boy from high school not appreciating that the love of his life was in fact the best friend he had known all his life and not the beautiful yet seemingly cruel girl he was currently dating. How fitting, L thought drily, that Misa would write a song that was so congruent with her own love life, but then who would be her one true love who had always been there for her? Certainly not him, no matter how he felt about her even after knowing that she undoubtedly was the second Kira. As if answering the very question that had popped into his mind, Misa ran to the front of the stage and threw her arms to the audience and L suddenly understood. It was her fans, the ones who had supported her throughout when she suffered misfortune upon misfortune. Their loyalty to her had never wavered and they would be by her side through thick or thin. It was with them that she belonged, not with Light, certainly not him, nor any man that might come after him. The thought almost made him smile. He had underestimated her yet again. Tonight he saw resilience where he had only seen heartbreak before. When she blew kisses at the crowd and struck her conclusive pose for the set, she looked absolutely like the song set meant her to look; she looked fearless in her golden tassels, a lioness reclaiming her kingdom. It made his breath catch in his throat. Before he knew it, the lights were dimming again, and Misa was stepping off the stage. Now was the time to take responsibility for the mess he had made, and to help clean it up. He waited with bated breath as she walked towards the dark corridor towards her dressing room. It seemed to take forever for her to reach where he was and no sooner had she crossed his hiding place, he stepped out and put a hand on her shoulder. The next thing he knew, he was hit by a mix of golden blonde hair and golden tassels as Misa whipped around and- SMACK! Her hand had connected with his face so forcefully that he actually staggered back into the wall. “What was that for?” he gasped, massaging his cheek to make sure nothing was broken. Misa let out a derisive laugh before stepping forward till she could grab him by the collar. “This is for thinking that you had any right to sabotage the only thing that’s keeping me going these days, after refusing to answer my calls and leaving me without any answers about what had happened! And this one,” she yelled hoarsely, giving him another smaller slap, “is for not making yourself known even after saving me from a nasty fall on the stage!” She was crying furiously now, face screwed up in anger, not bothering to even wipe the tears from her own eyes. Her cheeks carried the glitter from her dress and the tears running down her cheeks sparkled like diamonds in the low light. “You show up here after weeks and weeks and you think I’m going to sit down and eat cake with you?” she hissed, clearly not wanting to strain her voice in the middle of a 3-hour long concert. “Misa I-” L began to say but Misa interrupted him again, this time with a finger poking at his chest repeatedly. “No! You listen to me. My show means everything to me! You do not get to take this away from me, like you took away everything else! Go away and leave me be, I need to regain my composure before I go onto the stage for the next set! Leave, Ryuzaki, I don’t ever want to see you again!” she whispered angrily before shoving him hard into the wall again. This time he grabbed both of her hands and held them against his chest firmly while she struggled in vain to free herself. The element of surprise had given her an advantage the last time, but he was twice her weight, at least a head and half taller, not to mention his years of training in capoeira. He held on till she finally stopped struggling and sobbed with her head bent low and her shoulders trembling with silent shuddering breaths. “Hardly a fair accusation, Misa. I did not come here to sabotage your show, quite the contrary in fact. Why else would I have prevented your fall a few nights ago?” he murmured soothingly. She said nothing so he took it as a sign to continue. “You wanted answers, so I am here, though I see now that it was foolhardy to present myself to you like this in the middle of your performance. For that I am deeply sorry, I never intended to cause you any more pain than I already have” he said softly, letting go of her hands which hung limply by her side. For a few seconds they stood this way, their harsh breaths the only sound in the devastatingly silent corridor. “Misa-Misa! You’re up in 5 minutes!” rang her manager’s voice from a distance and Misa jumped, blinking rapidly like she had stepped out of a trance. “I have to go,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes absent mindedly with her knuckles smearing the glitter even more, before taking a few steps back and staring at L with a wide-eyed gaze that was a parody of his own racoon eyed stare. “I’ll be here, you know,” he said as she walked backwards, still not taking her eyes off of him. “No, you won’t,” she replied, smiling sadly. “I will,” he insisted, wanting to step forward and assure her. “No, you won’t.” She turned away at this, striding towards the dressing room in long purposeful strides, leaving trails of glitter in her wake. “Yes, I will,” L whispered in the dark to no one, regret reverberating in his very being as the opening notes of her next set list started playing. Misa’s gentle voice filled the auditorium soon after. He could see that she was back on stage already, in a long purple gown with her voluminous skirts making it seem like she was gliding on stage as she walked ahead. Awestruck by her stage presence, her quiet strength, and the sheer power in her voice, L stepped forward till he was at the very end of the corridor and simply sat down in his usual crouch, wanting nothing more than to stay like this and lose himself in the phenomenal experience of a Misa Amane concert.

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