Reconciliation — Chapter 9: Gone

When Sherlock left London, John and his identity behind, so did Molly. But destiny can be cruel at times, throwing things from your past at you when you'd rather make a fresh start. Eventual Sherlolly, Post Reichenbach. Please read and review!

She woke up the next morning when it was still dark. A warm blush crept over her cheeks as she felt a pair of strong arms encircled around her waist, holding her close. The events of the previous night were still a muddle in her brain but his arms felt oddly comforting, a reminder that he was still there, right there with her. After seeing her hesitation, he had simply pulled her into his arms and they had fallen asleep that way, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. However, there was no time to lose. The luminous hands of her wristwatch showed the time to be 4:55 am. Soon the hospital would be bustling with people. If there was one risk she couldn't afford to take, it was being discovered in bed, in the arms of her own patient, in clothes that were hardly fit for a 31 year old doctor. Gently, she slipped away from his embrace, every pore in her body screaming at the loss of contact. Her boots were lying in a forgotten corner and her jacket had been thrown absentmindedly on the armchair. She couldn't even dare to imagine the state of her hair and eyes. Thankfully, she had remembered to take off the contact lenses before falling asleep. In the blink of an eye, she gathered her stuff and almost flew to the door only to turn back, to glance at the man currently asleep peacefully in his bed. Without realising what she was doing, she tiptoed across the room to him and pressed a kiss to his forehead, careful not to wake him up. 'I love you Jim' she whispered, brushing away a stray strand of hair from his forehead. 'I'll be back in the afternoon' she promised before running away to her own apartment. To say that she felt tired would've been an understatement. She was completely exhausted, physically and mentally. She took one look at her still made bed and decided to take advantage of the fact that there were no Out patients to be seen that day. She was free to go to the hospital after lunch, to check up on Jim. As she collapsed on her bed without even taking off her stockings, she wondered sleepily how much longer Jim was to stay in the psychiatry ward, before sleep took over. Something felt wrong, very wrong but she ignored it as her eyes closed. It was nearly 10 when she awoke with a yawn and decided to take a hot bath. The morning was frigid and she was sure hot water would so her good. A well made breakfast followed and before she knew it, it was time to go to the hospital to see Jim. Maybe she could even talk to Dr. Drew about his release. The feeling of something being wrong lingered but she brushed it away as her imagination. Nothing could possibly be wrong. She trudged up the stairs to her office and grabbed his file before running into the nurse who worked in the department. ' Hey Lisa' she greeted. 'Dr. Patrick' she nodded, ' Where are you going?' 'Just checking up on my patient' she said, wondering why the nurse would ask her such a question. 'Oh have you been assigned a new case already?' said Lisa. 'No, I'm going to check on Richard' said Molly, fear clawing at her insides. Why would she say that? Why was she acting so curiously? 'But he was discharged hours ago!' the nurse burst out. The blood in her veins froze and she felt her heart jump into her mouth. 'What d'you mean discharged?' she managed to croak out. 'He left. His parents came to receive him, nice old lady -' 'Why wasn't I informed?' yelled Molly. 'I tried to call you, Doctor but you never picked up your phone-' 'You could have waited till I arrived! What was the hurry? You could have told his parents to wait!' 'They insisted Doctor. You weren't there so Dr. Drew signed the discharge papers-' 'Do you have any idea what you have just done?' she shouted at the helpless nurse who was now cowering against the wall, obviously terrified. Molly was losing control, she tried to count to three but it was useless. She closed her eyes and took short gulps of air, trying to calm herself down but ended up hyperventilating anyway. What if the people posing to be Jim's parents worked for Moran? What if Jim came to know everything about his murky past that she had so carefully hidden from him? What if Sherlock's sacrifice had been in vain? What if Jim was on his way to London right now? What if he had already forgotten everything about her, everything that she had done for him? What if- 'Is there a problem?' a calm voice interrupted her inner charade and she opened her eyes to stare into the green eyes of Dr. Drew. 'It's j-just, I... ' she stammered, suddenly thinking if he was going to fire her. Not if she ended up resigning first. 'Why don't we talk in my office Doctor?' he said, a tired look on his face. 'Why didn't you let me k now? He was my ward after all!' she burst out, the moment he shut the door behind him. 'Calm down Dr. Patrick. I've signed in your place. What is the problem?' he asked. Suddenly, it occurred to Molly that there was really nothing she could do. What was she supposed to say? That she had fallen in love with Jim? That she was all a part of the big plan of the Holmes brothers? That the reason she was besides herself was because she had failed to keep Jim away from his past and Moran? She decided to go for the simplest and most obvious reason. 'He received a gun on Christmas from someone. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't in the wrong hands' she said in a low voice trying to keep her face blank. Her eyes were betraying her though and she felt a large tear slide down her cheek. 'Rest assured Dr. Patrick. He is in safe hands. He's with his parents. The resemblance between father and son is uncanny. They did not tell me where they are taking him but I think it was somewhere in the Indian subcontinent...' he rambled on and on but Molly was hardly listening. His parents had taken him away. She could do nothing but hope against hope that Moran had no idea of their whereabouts. Maybe that was the reason they were taking him away to so far away. 'Are you even listening to me, Eleanor?' he sighed. 'I'm sorry Sir. You were saying?' she said softly, not trusting her voice not to break. She was surprised when he said nothing but merely grabbed both of her hands in his own. 'I have had a lot of patients under my care, Ella and I know what it is to become emotionally attached to a patient. A patient for a doctor is nothing but a diseased body and should remain that way because it is always more difficult to treat someone you genuinely care for. Of course, it is easier said than done here in the psychiatry department where the patients crave for even a little bit of affection and who else would give it to them except for their own doctors, whom they love and respect?' he broke off when he saw her trembling from head to toe, barely managing to take in a few breaths. 'I discovered that when I let my feelings get the better of me. She was a married woman who had plunged into depression after her husband's death. I took her home. I married her. I adopted her ten year old daughter. I was foolish enough to believe that my love for her was enough. I couldn't have been more wrong. She never recovered from her first husband's death and finally joined him when she could bear the misery no more' his voice choked up and he dropped her hands. 'Any sort of attachment towards a patient is nothing but a liability, you should understand that' he said in a cold voice. 'Pretending to be their friend, pretending to love them is expected from you but it is the mark of a good doctor to be able to draw a line between the pretense and reality. You are free to spend your evenings as you wish till we get a new indoor patient for you.' he said, clearly dismissing her. She left the office, still dazed by what the elderly doctor had just said to her. Of course, it all made sense. She walked back to her office almost mechanically before stopping in front of Jim's room. Despite a voice in her head telling her to do otherwise, she entered the room. It had been completely cleaned out. Nothing remained, nothing that could reveal that Jim had lived in the room for almost half a year. Curiously, no tears spilled out of her eyes. She just felt emptied from within. The closest to this had been when her father had passed away. She slowly exited the room, paying no heed to where she was going and ran into someone small and warm. 'Ella?' exclaimed a very familiar voice. Her head snapped up to see Mary Morstan in front of her. She tried her best and plastered a fake smile on her face. 'Mary! How have you been? It's been so long!' she said, trying to sound happy and excited. Of course, Mary saw through her facade at once. 'Tell me what's wrong' she said softly, taking her hand. 'It's nothing' said Molly, shaking her head. 'I have something for you' said Mary and handed her a white paper that had been folded in half. 'Open it when you go home.' She tried to bury her hand in her jacket pocket but Molly grabbed it before she could do so. 'John proposed on Christmas' she said happily as Molly hugged the brunette. Once home, she almost tore the paper in her haste to read the note. She did not recognise the handwriting and it looked as if the writer had scribbled it in under a minute. Dearest Ella, They're taking me away. I don't know where. I had hoped to see you once before I left but I don't think that would be possible. The doctor says that I don't need to stay here anymore but I will come back as soon as I can. Please take care. I love you. Jim. Her feet remained frozen to the ground as she read the letter again and again. She read the last time a hundred times over. Nothing made sense. He was gone. He was really and truly gone. He was never coming back. She was never going to see him again, never going to feel his arms entwine around her, never kiss him again, never watch trash telly with him again... He had left. He had no idea that he wasn't coming back. She tried to breathe but couldn't. Her lungs were virtually empty. Her chest was constricting as the need for oxygen became more and more obvious but nothing was functioning. He was gone. Gone. Gone... She staggered backwards, falling and landing on the sofa. The one word echoed through her mind, so many times that it was painful beyond limits. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone... Not coming back. Her fingers dropped the note as realisation slammed into her with the force of a bulldozer and it was pain, pain unlike anything she had ever experienced. She gasped, clutching her heart which seemed to have stopped. The words, the words.. Three words, eight letters. She had felt it and so had he and yet, she had never said them to him. Oh how she regretted it now! He had never told her. She had never said it. He had never known that she loved him just as much. Her head dropped into her hands and maybe if she could keep her eyes shut, she could still imagine that he was right here, just like this morning, when she had found herself in his arms of maybe last night when she had realised how much he meant to her... Her eyes snapped open. There was no one in front of her. 'I love you' she gasped out into the empty room. It was then that she finally succumbed to her tears and they came cascading down her cheeks in twin rivers as her body rocked with the effort that it took to keep her breathing as giant sobs shook her to the core.

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